


The Honeymoon

by Huntress69



Series: Newlyweds [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 18:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/713537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress69/pseuds/Huntress69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Honeymoon - Steve and Danny Style; <b>Spoiler:</b> A brief one for Lanakila. Includes surprise pairing + appearance of my medical OC's: Doctor Phipps and Nurse <strike>Battleaxe</strike> Bittlebaum</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Honeymoon

**Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would have no time to write fic as I would be too busy getting laid.**

**************

Steve turned to leave the church with his team, but turned back to Catherine one last time. "I really am sorry, Cath; I know you worked very hard on this."

Catherine leaned forward. "We were friends first, Steve, and we'll always be friends." She kissed him on the cheek, murmured, "I forgive you," in his ear...and kneed him in the balls.

Steve grimaced and nodded, then half-limped down the aisle.

Mary Ann smirked. "He did deserve it, but still, the hostages do take precedence."

"I know," Catherine nodded, "and that's why I didn't punch his lights out."

"We might as well hold the reception." Mary Ann gave her a small smile. "Shall we go?" She put out her arm.

Catherine hooked her arm with Mary Ann's. "That morning, when I met you, did I imagine what I saw in your eyes?"

"Nope."

"Good...."

**~~~~~~~~**

"This is your fault!" Danny snapped, staring daggers at Steve; if looks could kill, Steve would have been a pile of ashes. "I'm supposed to be on my honeymoon, in Atlantis, swimming with the dolphins, snorkeling and enjoying those fruity drinks with umbrellas in them."

"You mean **our** honeymoon." Steve gave him a small smile.

"I know what I said!"

"I'm sorry," Steve squeaked.

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" Danny was fuming. "You had to go in there, didn't you? The bad guys tell us they're coming out, that they surrender, but can you leave well enough alone? No, of course not. **You** have to go in and disarm them. And what happens? One of them gets antsy and starts the timer."

"The hostages were unharmed." Steve swallowed hard; he really didn't want to fight with Danny. "That's a good thing, right?"

"I'm not finished, McGarrett." Danny was grinding his teeth. "I told you to cut the red wire, the one attached to the explosives, but no, you had to cut the blue one attached to the timer."

"Since when are you a bomb expert?!" 

"Didn't you read my file from Jersey?"

"Some of it," Steve admitted, his voice just above a whisper. "After our first case, I forgot about it. You proved you were a good cop and I didn't need to know anymore. And, uh," his cheeks turned pink, "I had already fallen in love with you."

"You did?" Danny felt all mushy inside.

"Yeah, I did, Danno, but it took me a while to figure out why my stomach did flip-flops when I saw you." Steve sighed; when it came to Danny, he was like a lovesick 16 year old. The attitude, the blue eyes, the damn biceps and especially, though Steve would eat raw squid before he admitted it, the ties - even the ugly ones.

"Flip-flops?" Danny's heart skipped a beat and he opened his mouth, and then shut it, trying to formulate a response. "I...you...." He then remembered that he was pissed. "It stated that I spent time on the bomb squad!"

"Really?" Steve was clearly impressed.

"Didn't they teach bombs in SEAL school?"

"I missed that class?" Steve hoped a bit of levity would calm Danny down - it didn't.

"And to top it all off, you had to trip over the carpet on the way out so we got caught in the fucking explosion!"

"I wouldn't talk if I were you, Danno. If you would have pulled the door instead of trying to push it open we would have gotten out sooner!"

"It's still your fault, you klutz."

"I'm sorry."

"You already said that," Danny growled.

"Do you want a divorce?" Steve asked, tongue-in-cheek.

"We've only been married nine hours; we qualify for an annulment." 

Steve pouted, his lower lip jutting out. 

"I hate when you do that." Danny dragged himself from his hospital bed, forgetting for a moment about his broken ribs and his sprained ankle. Fighting back a groan, he managed to move across the room and sit beside Steve. "You are a mental case." He paused. "But you're my mental case." He reached under the sheet with the hand that wasn't bandaged and grabbed a hold of Steve's cock. "For the first time I appreciate hospital gowns." He wrapped his hand around it and tugged a few times, watching Steve's eyes close, hearing Steve's breaths quicken, watching the slow flush of pleasure spread across Steve's face. 

"Damn, Danny, that's so good...."

"Really, baby?"

"Oh yeah."

Danny pulled his hand away. "Next time you **will** listen to me." He stood up and limped back to his bed.

"I hate you."

"Likewise." 

The two didn't say a word to each other for the rest of the day, neither one of them ready to give in and admit that they were both at fault.

**~~~~~~~~**

A candy striper stuck her head in the door. "Dinner!" She grinned at them and came in holding two trays.

"Food!" Steve was very happy; they had both been on a liquid diet for almost two days.

"You like hospital food?" Danny asked, wondering if Steve's MRI had missed something.

"I've eaten your cooking and anything is better." Steve took the cover off his tray.

"You said you liked my lasagna." 

"I lied."

Danny took his cover off and threw it at Steve like a Frisbee; it bounced off the wall and landed on Steve's head. "SCORE!"

"It's a good thing those things are plastic." Steve was rubbing his head; it had stung a bit. "And as of right now, you are demoted."

"To what?" Danny demanded to know.

"I'll get back to you."

**~~~~~~~~**

Steve was scratching at his chest. "These itch." Without thinking he began to remove the sticky pads.

"NO! DON'T!" Danny screamed.

"What? They itch!" Steve heard the steady, high-pitched, shrill sound and glanced at the monitor. "Oh shit."

Thirty seconds later a group entered the room with a crash cart.

Steve blushed. "The pads itched so I took them off."

A young nurse stared at him. "Sir, you can't do that, because we have to monitor your heart-rate." She began to pull out fresh pads.

Another nurse took them from her, tossing them in the trash. "Honey, these are McGarrett and Williams, who are in this room right now for minor injuries; in other words, they have checked in to make our lives miserable." She rolled her eyes. "Next time you see one of them flatline go have a cup of coffee and a doughnut." She turned to leave, muttering, "And the next time they check in, I'm checking out on sick leave."

**~~~~~~~~**

Steve and Danny finally made peace...after Steve got beaned with everything Danny was able to throw.

They decided that despite everything, they were going to have a honeymoon, so Steve opted to move into Danny's bed with him. It was a small bed, but they managed to situate themselves.

Steve forgot about the cast on his arm and gave Danny a black eye when he shifted during the night.

They decided to jerk each other off, but Kono chose that particular moment to visit…bringing Grace. 

Danny never moved so quickly and fell on the floor, giving himself a purple bruise on his tailbone.

They decided to keep things simple until they were released and got the romantic idea to feed each other as all newlyweds did...well, if the newlyweds were Steve and Danny.

"Catch!" Danny grinned, flipping his spoon at Steve.

Steve craned his neck and missed...the Jell-o cube landed on the floor.

"My turn." Steve took aim, narrowing his eyes.

"Just throw it!"

Steve did and Danny caught the Jell-o in his mouth. "I love Jell-o."

The door opened and Nurse Bittlebaum walked in. "Gentlemen, what is this?" She stared at the food on the floor.

"Steve can't catch," Danny snickered.

"I beg your pardon." Steve was clearly affronted. "You flung three spoons of tuna at me and only one is on the floor. You couldn't even catch the piece of toast." He nodded to Danny's side of the room.

The nurse, who had known Steve all his life and Danny since he arrived on the island, took out a syringe and gave Steve a shot in the arm. "You I like, Steve, you're a sweet boy, and you always have been." She walked over to Danny and made him roll over, giving him a shot in the ass.

"OWWW! You did that on purpose!"

She smirked. "That's for all the times you refer to me as Nurse Battleaxe."

"Oh yeah?" Danny was gritting his teeth. "Wait'll I get my gun back."

"You have quite some time in here with me, dear Danny." The nurse smiled oh-so-sweetly...like a cobra as it was getting prepared to strike.

Danny gave her a frightened smile. "Friends?"

"Not on your life." She stomped out of the room.

"Steve..." Danny whimpered, "...do something. She said she likes you."

"The things I do for you." Steve got out of bed, walking to the door. "It's got to be love...or lunacy. My money's on the latter." He got to the door and an orderly shoved it open, knocking him in the head...and knocking Steve out cold.

**~~~~~~~~**

Steve had the remote and Danny was losing his mind.

"I do **not** want to watch another episode of Judge Judy!"

"You made me suffer through four episodes of SpongeBob and now it's my turn!" Steve blew a raspberry at him.

"Oh, that's mature." 

The door opened and a man walked in - six feet plus, wavy blond hair, muscular and tanned.

"Who are you?" Danny asked.

"I'm here to give Mister McGarrett his sponge bath."

"Not in this life," Danny looked murderous, "or the next."

"Sir, I've been doing this for over 10 years."

"And I have a gun." Danny smiled maliciously. 

"Ignore him." Steve rolled his eyes. "I know you're just doing your job."

The door opened again and this time a woman walked in - tall and leggy, with long brown hair, 42DD's and a perfect smile.

"Who are you?" Steve asked.

"I'm here to give Mister Williams his sponge bath."

"Oh no you're not!" Steve snarled. 

"Sir," she grinned, "it's one of my jobs."

"Not today." Steve told her. "He doesn't need a bath. He smells...fine."

Each of the respective CNA's ignored the two men and prepared to do their jobs - five minutes later the two were **both** fleeing the room.

"Where did you get that?" Steve asked Danny.

"Chin brought it to me in case I got bored." Danny aimed at Steve and squirted him with the water gun.

"And I got one from Kono."

"Duel to the death!" Danny laughed.

"You will so lose, Williams."

The two soaked the room, but were mindful of their respective bandages, somehow managing to keep them dry. Afterwards, they gave each other sponge baths, but neglected to tell anyone.

The intern on duty came to check up on them, slipped in a puddle and dislocated his shoulder.

**~~~~~~~~**

Doctor Phipps walked in to see them, eyes moving from one man to the other. "In the past week I had to give raises to two CNA's who threatened to sue, give one nurse an extra week of vacation and the poor candy striper got double her service hours." He shook his head at them in scorn. "I have an intern who bursts into tears when he walks past your room, a dietician who would like to spike your food with cyanide, and two orderlies who have been having one-on-ones with the staff psychiatrist."

"That last one was Steve's fault!" Danny said quickly. "He casually told Albert that there were seven ways to kill somebody with a spoon...and he described each in graphic and gory detail."

"Oh, like you're any better?" Steve retorted. "You told that guy...Mike...Mark...."

"Marvin," Danny supplied.

"Yeah, him, telling about that case you worked in Newark." Steve seemed to perk up. "Did the perp really use a Cuisinart?"

"Plus a set of Ginsu knives and an egg beater," Danny added with glee. "There were body parts all over the kitchen. When rival drug dealers attack each other, it ain't pretty."

The doctor pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why is it that the two of you, who are the bravest of the brave, who barrel head first into dangerous situations to save innocents without regard for yourselves...how is it that you both revert to five years old the moment you are off duty?"

"He started it by cutting the wrong wire." Danny stuck his tongue out at Steve.

"I said I would listen to you when it came to bombs from now on." Steve folded his arms, wearing his most petulant look.

"Like that does us any good **now** ," Danny sneered.

"I want to go home," Steve whined. 

"Can't we check out?" Danny was clearly begging. "Please?"

Doctor Phipps picked up Danny's chart. "Five cracked ribs, three broken fingers, a twisted ankle and a black eye which you received when…never mind." He then picked up Steve's. "Eight cracked ribs, one broken arm, and a mild concussion...oh wait, you got the concussion here when you were hit in the head with a door." The doctor sighed. "If I let the two of you out, do you promise me you will not be back tomorrow morning with new injuries?"

Steve and Danny looked at each other.

"Boys, and yes, I will call you boys if I choose, I want your word on this."

"Yeah, okay," Danny agreed.

"Only for you, Doc," Steve nodded.

"And please, sleep in separate rooms; you'll still be right next door to each other." At Danny's questioning look, Doctor Phipps added, "I've been his family doctor since he was a little boy and I know that house like the back of my hand."

"How long....?" Danny started.

"About a month or so; your ribs should be fine by then...if you follow my orders," the doctor explained.

"A month?" Steve's eyes grew wide.

"I know where this is going," the doctor answered before they could finish, "and you have the rest of your lives for a honeymoon. Neither one of you is stupid, and I don't think you'd like a piece of rib floating off and puncturing your heart."

"That can't happen," Steve insisted.

"Whether it can or can't is irrelevant." Doctor Phipps' voice grew stern. "I'll not have one of you back in here because you couldn't keep your damn libidos in check."

"I'm sure we'll feel better in less than a month," Danny said matter-of-factly.

"I agree," Steve leered at Danny.

"Can you two spell colonoscopy?"

"One month!" They both nodded vehemently.

"I'll have your discharge papers prepared." The doctor turned to leave, but turned back for a moment. "I spent my honeymoon with my lovely bride in a romantic bed and breakfast in Vermont." He paused, letting that sink in. "Her parents decided that they were inspired by our wedding and wanted a second honeymoon...and took the room next door. Think about that."

"We could go a month," Danny went to the closet and took out his clothes. 

"Of course we could," Steve gathered his own clothing. "I spent three weeks solo during survival training to see if I could handle it."

"I...do you think the Doc would object to dirty talk, slow and easy kisses, and mutual masturbation?"

"As long as we don't do anything strenuous, I'm sure it's okay."

"So...look, but don't touch too much."

"Exactly, Danny."

The two met in a deep kiss, which was about all they had done the whole time they'd been in the hospital. 

"Danny, how are we getting home?"

"Ah," Danny grinned, "I've already got that covered."

**~~~~~~~~**

"Now that was first class," Steve said as he got out of the limo.

"No matter what, Rachel was happy that I came out of this alive. She admitted she was thrilled to be able to curse me out in person, because it would be no fun if she did it in a cemetery."

"And now we're home, baby, and I'm only sorry I can't carry you over the threshold."

"Oh, Steve," Danny fluttered his eyelashes ala Scarlett O'Hara, "you do say the most romantic things."

"Just wait a month, Danny dearest, and I'll show you romantic."

They walked inside hand-in-hand and entered the living room...and Steve shrieked.

Finding your sister naked with your ex-girlfriend, the two writhing on the couch, was not something Steve McGarrett was mentally prepared for.

Not so for Danny, because he was neither Catherine's ex nor Mary Ann's brother. As he stared at Steve's shell-shocked expression, he couldn't resist it - "I love girl-on-girl action."

"Shut up! That's my sister!"

"And your ex."

"We didn't expect you home," Catherine smiled, standing up and stretching.

"Put some clothes on!" Steve yelled, covering his eyes.

"Steve," Mary Ann giggled, "you used to sleep with her, so you know what she looks like naked."

"Two things, little sister." Steve was bright red. "One, seeing you like that I need to bleach my eyeballs and I am so going to need lifelong therapy, and two, that was before I was married. It's not proper now."

"I'm going to my bedroom." Mary Ann walked past her brother and whispered, "Prude."

"Pervert," Steve replied, waiting for her to go past before he opened his eyes.

"No need to go on my account," Danny called after her.

"I'm going to join her," Catherine passed Danny and waggled her eyebrows.

Steve sat down, shaking his head. "I saw...my sister...naked."

"Yeah, and she's not half bad."

"Danny!"

"Will you take it easy?" Danny put his arm around Steve's shoulders. "I happen to think you're the prettier McGarrett by far."

"I DON'T!" Catherine yelled as she joined Mary Ann in the bedroom.

"My sister and my ex-girlfriend; who would have thought it?" It was boggling Steve's mind. 

"Steve, baby, let's just go upstairs and try to enjoy our honeymoon, okay?"

"Can I have a sandwich first?" Steve asked, turning to the kitchen.

"You want a sandwich?" Danny was none too happy about that. 

"I lied about enjoying hospital food," Steve admitted. "I miss your bologna and cheese."

"What about my lasagna?"

"No."

"Then make your own damn sandwich!" 

Steve playfully kicked him in the foot...Danny's bandaged foot. 

"THAT HURT!"

"Oh, Danny, I'm sorry." Steve didn't think and shifted his arm to give comfort, but instead rapped Danny in the head with the cast.

"Stay away from me!" Danny got to his feet and backed away. "You're a menace!" He didn't see where he was going and tripped over a footrest, landing on his ass. "That does it! I want a divorce!"

"We didn't get to officially consummate our marriage yet," Steve laughed. "We can still obtain an annulment."

"No." Danny was trying to keep a straight face. "A divorce means I can sue you for alimony and half the house. Plus I want your surfboard and your truck."

Steve walked over to Danny and put his hand out, helping Danny up. "You don't have to sue me for half the house, Danny. It's already yours."

"Huh?"

"I, uh, had my lawyer redraw the deed; it's yours now."

"You mean half mine," Danny stated, thinking Steve had misspoken.

"No, Danno, it's all yours."

"I can't...Mary Ann...."

"Danny," Mary Ann said as she came back into the living room with Catherine, the two ready to leave, "you've given this house the life it never had. Hokey as it sounds, you've given it laughter and joy. Steve and I didn't have that here."

"But it's your parent's house," Danny pointed out.

"No," Mary Ann clarified, "it's the house our parents lived in, nothing more. I never wanted it and I gave my half to Steve when I came back here, after Dad died." She leaned in and kissed Danny on the cheek. "Be happy here."

"Are you hitting on my husband?" Steve asked her.

"Big brother, if I was hitting on him, you wouldn't stand a chance." She gave Steve a tight hug. "I'm moving in with Cathy."

"What about LA?" Steve was curious. "And your job?"

"I quit my job," Mary Ann shrugged. "I can style hair here same as there."

"Cath," Steve smiled at her, "what about DADT?"

"It doesn't apply to officers who resign their commission," Catherine replied with a smirk. "You should know that."

"I thought the Navy was your life."

"I thought it was too, Steve," she took Mary Ann's hand in hers, "but you of all people should know that there are more important things." 

"I'm not planning your wedding," Steve told her.

"Who said anything about marriage?" Mary Ann added. "We're going to live in sin."

Steve gave Catherine a hug. "You take care of my sister; she's the only one I have."

Catherine pulled back. "I always knew I'd end up with a McGarrett. And I still say I got the prettier one."

"That's what you think," Danny said, smiling at them. 

"Later, bro'," Mary Ann said over her shoulder as the two women left.

"Okay, Danno, we have the whole house to ourselves. What do you want to do first?" Steve waggled his eyebrows.

"Sleep," Danny answered, very seriously. "I want a nice night's rest, with no nurses waking me up at all hours to poke me with needles."

"I should be arguing with you," Steve allowed himself a yawn, "but I'm too tired."

"What about your sandwich?"

"I'll have it later...or tomorrow."

They headed for the stairs....

Danny nearly slipped on the floor.

Steve made a move to grab him and over balanced, putting a hole in the wall with his cast.

"Separate rooms," they said at the same time.

They got upstairs and shared a kiss - Danny went left, Steve right.

That lasted a total of five minutes.

Both came out of their rooms and barreled into each other, both stumbling backwards into their respective rooms. Both got to their feet and both put a palm up.

"Your room or mine?" Danny asked.

"Mine," Steve smiled. "Bed's bigger."

"Just...just get into bed and I'll join you once you're there." Danny waited and then entered Steve's room. "I hope this is safe." Steve pulled back the sheet; Danny shook his head. "Move to the other side so I don't get hit in the head with that damn cast." Once Steve shifted, Danny slid in beside him. "I really want to touch you, but at the rate things are going, something bad will happen."

"Let's keep it simple then." Steve spread his arm out. "Cuddle?"

Danny snuggled in, resting his head on Steve's chest, the arm closing around him. He rested his arm across Steve's chest and sighed. "I love you, McGarrett."

"Me too," Steve murmured, kissing the top of Danny's head. 

And they lived happily ever after...until the next morning, when Steve rolled over and blackened Danny's other eye with his cast.

**FIN**


End file.
